No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
