New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
