have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
