he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
