this beer tastes like vomit already
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
