her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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