This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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