did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
