God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
