Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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