Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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