hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
