I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Soap is not a condiment
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
there is puke in my bra ... again
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
