God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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