this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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