Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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