Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
