So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
