Your tits are I can't wait for
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
