So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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