so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
