Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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