I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
