I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
