its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
