Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
