cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
