well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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