I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
4 words: hood of his car
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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