It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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