When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
