You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
