I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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