so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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