I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
