sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
