I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
