me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
