From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
