That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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