You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
