I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
