it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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