with your own penis?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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