He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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