dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
