Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
