I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
