i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
