Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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