oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
